My body is a battleground. I suppose everyone’s is, but right now I’m focused on mine because it has Diabetes. I resent this broken, crappy body. I value my mind far more, but I often lose sight of the fact that it is a physical thing that lives in my body. If I keep treating my body like a trashcan, I won’t have the mind it houses to enjoy.

As a diabetic I know goddamned well that I have to be careful. I want my fingers, toes, eyes, and kidneys. I can’t do without any of them. But, I haven’t been careful. I’ve been stupid.

The thing that gets me is that I used to be so good about it. I used to be careful. I had my days planned out, ate at regular intervals, went to the gym 4-5 times a week, took walks on my breaks, counted my calories, prepared meals. I haven’t done any of that for two years. I just keep taking the medicine. And it’s showing.

A controlled A1C for a type two diabetic is less than 7. The test before the last one was 7.8 – a cause for concern. Now, it’s 10.2. This is not just uncontrolled. This is catastrophic. This is the part where injectables come into play. This is where organs are straining.

So, the push begins anew. This will be my third rally from uncontrolled states. I will be monitoring intake of all foods and re-firing the engines of exercise. I’ll be getting a new monitor with cheaper strips, because while good goddamn I like the freestyle lite monitor, the strips are not cheap.

The butterfly strips tend to make it more like a test and less like an Aztec blood sacrifice.

I’m going to have to break from old habits. I’m going to have to get life predictable again. I’m going to have to drag order kicking and screaming from chaos.

It’s going to be a long trip. But I think that with a little support and a lot of understanding from the folks in my life, it’s all possible.

Wish me luck.